I want them to feel safe sharing “darker” fantasies or more taboo interests without fearing that I’m judging them. I want my partners telling me more about their interests and experiences rather than less. By offering a more comprehensive list of activities, I offer my new partners an opportunity to answer questions they may never have been asked before. I want my sub to feel comfortable telling me about them, not what they think I want to hear. There are definitely a number of items on the checklist that I do not offer at all, or that I do not engage in with everyone. In part this is because I have a wide range of interests and skills, but this is not the only reason. You’ll notice on my checklist that there’s a pretty wide variety of activities represented. The combination of answers I’m presented with gives me better questions to ask when it comes time to negotiate. It helps me know where they’re at-are they new to the activity, do they have notes about whether it’s something they only do with people they have particular chemistry with… you get the idea. I ask them to rate: by experience level-never tried, tried but not enough to fully evaluate, or experienced by how much they enjoy the activity-0-5 by whether or not the activity is a limit, a curiosity of theirs, or a valued part of play for them to let me know if the activity is a fetish or something they feel they want to be “forced” to do in order to get over their nerves to try and finally I offer space for notes and questions.Īll of this information gives me a much clearer picture of how my partner feels about an activity, than if they’d simply said, “I rate such-and-such activity as a 3”. In my checklist I ask people to rate each activity in a number of different ways in order to get a more comprehensive idea about how my sub actually experiences each activity. It’s important to remember though that people interpret different terms differently, and one person’s idea of what “medium masochism” is might be wholly different than another’s.Īlongside the long list of activities to be rated, there are often a few ways each activity can be rated. This is so the person filling it out can do so as clearly as possible, and the person reading it can interpret their answers relatively accurately. How to use a BDSM checklist: At the top of most comprehensive checklists you’ll find definitions about what words mean and instructions about how to fill the pages out. Feel free to download, edit, update, change, and utilize the list for yourself: It’s not an exhaustive list in the least bit, but I think it’s a pretty good start and it works for me rather well. My list is based off a few I’ve used in the past, with various bits taken off, added on, recategorized, redefined, and with slightly different options than I’ve found on some. I’ll try to update the file link when I think of it in the future. That’s just the nature of this ever-evolving beast. I know I’ll be refining it as long as I use it. Today I’m sharing a BDSM checklist that I’ve put together. Certainly it’s impossible to develop an exhaustive list of things to try, but even still some lists cater more towards styles of play I enjoy, and some are far from useful to me specifically. There are some I find to be too complicated, and others too simplistic. Sometimes I get annoyed that a checklist’s language is different from what I’m used to, or the list comes off as too heteronormative or less than gender inclusive. You can find a bunch of them online, and over the years I’ve found examples which work more or less to my satisfaction. We suggest that you take this as a "quiz", and then use it to start a conversation with your partner(s) about your likes, dislikes, limits, needs, and boundaries.Īs always, the universe of sexual preferences is so vast that we've probably forgotten to account for someone or something.A helpful tool I frequently use with new subs and trainees is the BDSM checklist. We decided to bring those lists into the digital age by adding interactivity but we owe a great debt to those who compiled the lists first, and from whose work we compiled our list. Lists like this exist on the internet already. While there are other quizzes out there that can help you learn about your general preferences, like, we wanted to create something that can help you communicate (and learn!) about the nitty-gritty of your specific sexual preferences. The better we communicate, the safer, saner, and more consensual we'll all be. The purpose of this app is to facilitate both self-knowledge, and communication between partners. Welcome to KIN X The Interactive Sex-Play, Kink, and BDSM Checklist Purpose
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